If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, who would I want to spend today with? Where I would I want to be today?
I don’t feel invincible any longer. I don’t feel like I have the rest of my life ahead of me. In fact, it’s like my best days are behind me. Half my life is done. I know I don’t have the choices I used to have — I can’t reinvent myself again, and I’m resigned to the fact that there are things I thought I could do that I will never do.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting to die. I don’t want to fill the next 36 years with the minutiae of a consumerist lifestyle. I don’t want to spend every month working to buy something — all the things I “should” own.
I want to feel alive. I want to be happy. I want to have purpose.
And when I die, I want to die satisfied that I lived till the very last moment. On my own terms. Bearing the consequences of my actions and choices.